Lately I have struggled to sit down and write, to post, to share, and to inspire. It is not because of the lack of ideas; I have a long list of content ideas. I have struggled to post because when I actually have the time to post I am either too tired or there are other things I want to do instead. For so long I have been trying to stop hustling and have been longing for more balance in my life.
This third child of mine has changed me. I don’t want to hustle. I am not as concerned about my page views or my followers. Instead, I am choosing to live in the moment and take each day as it comes. If I am inspired to write a post, great and if not, that is fine too. If I feel inspired to run an online bootcamp or to create an online program than great and if not, that works too. This is a season, and I want to fully embrace this season.
I am a go-getter by nature, I like to hustle and sometimes I don’t like that about myself. This has been an ongoing struggle for me. This past Spring I was picking strawberries with my kids and some of our friends when I remember saying to a friend, “I wish I could just be.” Later that day and night I thought to myself, “well why can’t I?” I can. I can just be.
But could I? The truth is I struggle with just being. While pregnant I was saying yes to more things. I was adding more classes to my schedule, teaching early in the mornings and feeling guilty that some days I would spend nap time sleeping myself when my to-do list for this side gig of mine was never-ending. There was so many things I wanted to do, but never the time to do it and it left me feeling guilty and overwhelmed. I love fitness, I love healthy living and I love sharing my journey to balance it all, but didn’t have balance myself. I longed for more meaningful friendships and more days of just playing with my kids. I wanted to spend more time in God’s Word and not so much time in the word of other bloggers. I wanted to sit on the couch next to my husband and not have this lingering feeling that I should be tackling a list, creating a freebie or writing a workout. I wanted to read, and not just read those non fiction books, but I wanted to get lost in the pages of a good fiction book. And I wanted to do this more than just once or twice a year when we take a vacation.
This third baby came at the best time in my life because as I struggled with all of this, I didn’t feel as guilty starting to say no to things (notice the word starting). But then as soon as I would say no to one thing, I would add something else. Seems to be the story of my life.
I have stepped down from being the 5k chair to an organization near and dear to my heart. I have lightened my class load and am teaching less live classes. I have given myself grace when I only write one blog post a week. I don’t worry about if I don’t have my social media posts scheduled out for the day or whether or not I am following my content calendar. I have turned down opportunities to write sponsored posts and to grow this blog and fitness business of mine. I have even ditched my paper planner and my to-do list.
I have said yes to another online bootcamp. I continue to volunteer my time at church in our fitness ministry. I have joined a MOPS group at my church. I have started playing tennis one night a week. I have said yes to two book clubs. I have joined a Bible study. My kids and I are a part of a playgroup. My husband and I have committed to working harder on our marriage.
You see what has happened? I say no to one thing and add three others. The difference is I somehow feel balanced. I only have to be at the gym one day a week instead of 4. I am spending time in God’s word daily and have finished my first fiction book since December! Instead of rushing from one thing to another, I find myself being more present.
For me, being more present means if I want to sit on the couch and snuggle this sweet guy of mine in the middle of the afternoon, I do it. If MD asks me to play catch even when I have a never-ending to-do list, I do it. And if C wants me to do a craft, read a book, or bake cookies, most of the time we do. And if Josh wants to play cards at night or sit down and watch a show, I am going to choose that first too.
Am I giving up my blog and my online fitness groups? Absolutely not! I love them and they too, make me feel balanced. The difference is I am letting go of the pressure I feel. If I don’t get up a post one week, it is fine. I will run my online bootcamps and write online programs when I feel inspired and only to an extent that will still allow me to be more present and do all the other things I am enjoying.
There will be a time for that hustle… maybe… right now is not the time. I know I will never look back on this time and say, “man, I wish I would have gotten up one more blog post this week or ran one more online program this month.” I have struggled to find balance in my life for so long and I think I have finally found it…